It's been so long, so many others have walked into my life. Why do i still feel the hole you've left behind. I'd be lying to myself if i said i don't think about you anymore, and don't miss looking forward to seeing your face. I've always wished that one day, you changed.

So many times i just wished, somebody would just walk into my life. Somebody special, somebody whom i can treasure again, as much as i treasured you. So that, you would finally be forgotten. I really wished i found somebody else as quickly as you found another one.





Still hurts

Goodbye is the hardest word. Goodbye is a word used only once. And, I've said it all too many times. It's time i stopped saying goodbye.

Every time when i think i've truly moved on, i've truly let go, you keep coming back. I'm tired of feeling confused, holding on to that little bit of hope, holding on to a dream that'll never come true. It's time for me to be strong, to make my stand, and say no more. It's time i really said goodbye.

And, the only way for me to really say goodbye, is not to say it at all because, waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, hopeless and disappointing.

You've always been.

I'm officially no longer a teen, and i'm now in my 20s! I can't believe it. I'm so not ready! I feel so much older. =X Spent my birthday with a couple of really good friends of mine. Thanks buddies for celebrating my birthday with me! Hmm, it was a pretty good day overall other than the fact that the first half of my day was quite ruined by some absolutely life-draining dreadful classes i had to attend in school. But oh well, i have plenty to give thanks and be grateful for, i guess i'm actually a really blessed person.

2010 was quite a ride for me. Quite a number of significant things happened for me. Some good, and some just the worst. I do hope 2011 would be much better and now that i'm another year older and a year more matured than the last, i hope i'll be able to do better as person this year than the last.

I've tried to get closer to God last year, i started to pray to God more about many various things in my life. I guess what he really taught me last year was no matter how much i can try to control a situation, sometimes nothing will go my way. He has taught me that in life, I've gotta make good rational decisions and that i shouldn't let emotions rule over me and influence my decisions. I've always known this fact, but somehow last year i just gave in, now i know such a mistake in life can eventually affect my life in a big way. Thus, this year i plan to really plan to do better!

To "Kryptonite":

I don't know if you'll ever read this. I just wanna say that you've actually given me the best memories of 2010 as well as the worst ones. As much as i miss those good memories, i know it's memories like that, that comes back to bite me from time to time. There was a time where i was just experiencing a whirlwind of emotions this year. I was confused, hurt, angry and saddened. There was a point where my heart was just really filled with hatred, but after a while i just realised that if i do that, the only one suffering was gonna be me. I eventually let it go, and carried on with my life.

I know you tried to talk to me again, yes i know you apologised and all too. But I'm sorry it's just not enough for me to just welcome you back into my life so willingly again. After everything i don't think a couple of smses that you send me every other month or so, is going to make me give in just like that. After everything, it's just not nearly enough. Now, that i'm finally used to not having you in my life anymore, and you want me back into yours. I can't just allow myself to fall back into that pit so easily! How can i be sure that, i won't end up being all miserable and all again! I can honestly say that i do really miss you, i miss having you in my life, i want you back in my life too, i really do. But if you really want this to happen, you've just gotta try harder than this. I'd really give you the opportunity, if you'd only try a little harder. I'm sorry i'm unable to be as generous and giving as i was before, because i know that if i continue to do so, i know that the only result is for the same outcome to happen again. It's just insanity for me to keep doing the same thing if the outcome is going to be the same every time. But if you think that all this is too much of me to ask from you, then there's really nothing i can do as well.

As much as i like you, for now, this is as far as i can go.